TricaB™ : Open Up Your Mouth!!!!

“Open up your mouth” uttered from my mother’s mouth constantly. I heard these four words all the time and sometimes it was ALL day long. My mother is relentless about frequent communication and I love her for that. Every week it is required for the entire household to connect. As a family, we pick a night and talk about everything, the same thing or nothing at all. Even though there might be hectic schedules involved I can guarantee we ALL make a conscious effort to FIND the time. MiMi says often: “Ain’t nobody that busy”. In other words she doesn’t want any excuses from me or my brother.

She drilled into us the importance of communication and being transparent. “If you are honest, open and loyal with each other then you will make great spouses. It is important that you don’t get disconnected from family or friends because of self absorption. Take the time to find out what is going on in their world.” ßMimi’s exact words

For the last couple of months there has been a subject floating around my house, my relationships, and in my private thoughts. “COMMUNICATION”…..This word alone can either bring discomfort or revelation. Why is it so hard to effectively talk to each other? We put everything in place of an old fashion conversation. I am sho’nuff guilty of this… I am guilty of not wanting to be bothered. So I had to self- assess again; what is keeping me from effectively communicating? Why do I brush certain topics off? What am I avoiding?

Yes this is the era of cell phones, I pads, Tablets, etc. that is attached to emailing and texting. But what is wrong with a heart to heart sit down? My guess would be “We don’t have time or afraid to deal with it”. Technology is used to make things easier and it also fills the space of wasting breathe or gas. Don’t get me wrong I love technology it has made my life easier but sometimes I miss human contact with a cup of coffee.

It is hard to get the full effect of what is being communicated when I cannot see “eyes” and notice reactions to the things that are being said.

To take this even deeper, I have discovered that some of us have been programmed not to say anything or to suppress what we think or feel. Doing this can cause a multitude of problems and misinterpretations.

A few weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with a few people and I discovered something that I did not know. This person had been thinking/feeling a certain way regarding a situation that happened many years ago. For years this person held these thoughts/assumption which caused them to act a certain way toward me and I DID NOT KNOW IT, All because neither one of us wanted to talk about it. I was heartbroken because that is not my motivate or moral makeup. So at that very moment we began to dig up everything that caused those assumptions. The revelation of this truth brought tears, sadness and anger. This entire time we all were thinking something completely different. I was feeling one way and they were feeling another way because no one was OPENING THEIR MOUTHS!!

Assumptions are dangerous. They can either destroy or prevent relationships from happening. Every day that word parades around in our heads all because we don’t DEAL with it! We just automatically ASSUME that he/she is going to do this or that failing to get the facts. Those that know me already know I LOVE FACTS. I want to know the facts which lead me to the truth. And the truth gives me freedom.

Lord help me, but sometimes I get irritated when I hear “I heard”. There is a high possibility that you heard wrong. How do I know that what you heard was 100% accurate? How do I know if you were even listening or just hearing? ß(That is a whole different subject) Don’t mean to go off a tangent but when it comes to serious matters of the heart I just want to stick with the facts. So then maybe we can fix it.

We might be talking but we are not talking the truth. ß(Again, a whole different subject)….

After assessing myself this is what I came up with. I do not like confrontations because they make me uncomfortable and I don’t want to feel those emotions. I just want to keep peace. This is actually not keeping peace it is causing a war. I mean an internal war which over time can cause great harm. By nature I am EXTREMELY private when it comes to certain feelings and thoughts that I handle. But on the other hand I can be very vocal about certain issues. If you ask me something, I will tell you the truth. And for that I do not apologize.

Many times I have told people entering into my life to communicate the truth to me always, especially if I ask. I don’t care how much it might hurt or make me mad, I can handle it; Just tell me the truth. I have always told my friends if we are to remain friends NEVER be afraid to tell me the truth. Would you believe that several people could not believe that I am built that way? So I asked one person, “If we are out in public together and I have something in my nose are you just going to let me walk around like that or are you going to communicate that to me?” By not telling me that I have something in my nose can cause an entire room of people to think I have a mental problem. LOL!!!… Trust me they got the point.

Timing plays a huge part in communicating certain things. So, if you are afraid or unsure, pray for the right time to present its self. I can honestly say this has worked for me in certain situations.

Communication is valuable if it is used probably with the right motivate and the right time. On the flip side, sometimes all you need to do is keep your mouth shut! Silence in my years of living has been really effective.

I have been in situations where relationships have ended because they asked me what I thought about this or that and I communicated the truth. Internally I responded, “Why did you ask me what I thought or how I felt if you were not prepared for the truth”? I was not going to lie and then get blamed for not telling the truth. Of course, I know NOW that everyone is not built to accepting effective communication.

So for me I had to relearn some of my friends; just because I can handle the truth does not mean they can handle it. ß(This is a whole different subject as well)

I am not going to lie the truth hurts sometimes but it is all a part of communicating that.

When I received the truth from the heart to heart conversation I had weeks ago, it hurt like heck but I DEALT with it because I did not want the other person to get the wrong perception of Trica! Nor did I want that person to carry any negative thoughts/feelings about me for more years to come. By opening up our mouths healing, restoration, and understanding came forth. The lesson for me is I have the power to save or correct someone’s life just by communicating. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7)

One of the most important things that I learned by not opening up my mouth would be missing out on great blessings. You have not because you ask not. (James 4:2) All I had to do was kill the egotism or whatever and just say something. Sometimes blessings present themselves and we have to be prepared to jump on them. A blessing can walk right out of your life simply because you did not open up your mouth. On a spiritual side, “How many times have we allowed blessings to pass us by?” And the scary part about this question is “we know the blessing, recognize the blessing but don’t acknowledge the blessing”. Many times I have just sat right there staring at it, afraid to grab it! Then realizing it is GONE and I miss out because of FEAR! ßAnother subject

So my suggestion to all of you is try to find a way to practice effective communication. This is not always easy. I am still working and navigating through it.

Don’t let time, or busyness get in the way of communicating what is going on, be it good or bad. Don’t allow assumptions to become the stage of any relationship. Bite the bullet and deal with it. Email and texting is not an option. But I will say this kill the ego/arrogance and don’t be FEARFUL to have an old fashion heart to heart/sit down with someone. I say, who cares? If you have a conscious just follow your heart and put it out there. Call him/her up, pick a location, grab a cup of coffee, tea or whatever and talk! Ladies and Gentlemen you have the power to save or change a person’s life just by taking the time to Open up your mouth! You might be surprise what you learn about the other person.

Must I forget to honor this Amazing couple my grandparents Dr. Milton & Augustine Oliver whom I completely adore. Yesterday was their 58^th wedding Anniversary. God has given my family GREAT FAVOR. It is a blessing they are alive and in Good health. They are a wonderful gift to the world!!! I am beyond blessed to know them and to carry their DNA. With Love from your Oldest Granddaughter, Trica B