My magnificent mother
took off her job and drove me back to Wisconsin. When I arrived at my home the
locks had been changed and all of my possessions were put outside (garage). Of
course I initially thought that there was something wrong with my key due to my
state of complete numbness but after trying the same key several times it was
clear that there was a different key that was needed to open “OUR” front door. I
thought to myself, I don’t remember having
the locks change, so what was up with this?
Went next door and the
neighbors assured me that I was not crazy after they witness my ex-husband
actions on the night before. It was clear to me that the marriage was done and
he wanted all of my worldly possessions and me to disappear. If you’re
wondering where my father/brother was in all of this, well to be honest it took
all of God, and his heavenly host to restrain my father and brother. They made
it very clear to me that they wanted him dead immediately. Yes I said it
DEAD!!!! I have never seen my father, brother and mother so upset in all my
days. It actually frightened me but I managed to convince him to stay at home.
Thank God I can laugh about it now but it was not funny then.
Rejection is the first
word that comes to mind as I write this. Can you imagine finding all of your worldly
possessions outside, discarded like fifthly rags? I am not going to lie to you
I wanted him dead too! Even though my personal belongings were placed in the garage
does not make it any better. I would describe this as a passive aggressive moment.
This was the lowest I
have ever been because I felt like he was throwing “ME” away like garbage. Was I
trash to him? So I had to ask myself; is
this what love looks like? It’s hard
enough that my spouse leaves me in another state and shows no shame about it,
let alone driving six hours trying to resist rage and anger then arriving to
your front door and all of your worldly possessions are outside. There was no
warning or anything. Hold on, you know
what? There was warning but I ignored it because I was SO determined to
make this marriage/relationship work. There were plenty of signs but I brushed
it off! Why do we women folk do that, brush things off?
My stance would be
because we give and invest so much of ourselves that we don’t want it to go to
waste. It might sound silly but it is the truth. We feel like the relationship
is an investment and we anticipate something in return. And most of the times
we do not even get it back. It is true; LOVE
can make you do some strange things in my case impractical things. The flip
side to this would be all of us have that voice
inside that lets us know WAY in the
beginning that this is NOT going to
have a happy ending. For me to marry felt like the right thing to do being a “preacher’s kid” an all.
The “old church” would
say it is better to marry than to burn (it is in the bible)
but
I feel if he is a dupe and possess no real spiritual characteristics that reflect
your nature then, why even waste your time. Now, I can only speak for myself,
some people they don’t care about all that serious stuff. But I do!
In other words most
women/men have no or low standards and they just settle for whatever comes their
way. Whom you date or marry is a reflection of who you are. I stand by this
whole heartedly. There is no way you can CHANGE or REPROGRAM another human
being it is not possible. I tried it and it DOES NOT WORK! They are who they are.
I came across a statement
on today and I would like to share it with you.
“Marriage begins
with dating, and dating is a process of elimination! So, if you discover that
your partner doesn’t meet your standards, even if it’s the day of the wedding,
don’t go through with it! Apologize to your family and friends and then move on
with your life! Remember, the only thing worse than a cancelled wedding is a
bad marriage. Forget those people who call you picky, “Be Selective!”-Baisden Live
Now on a spiritual side
and you might judge me but I wrote down a detailed request of the things that I
would like God to give me in my future mate. Let’s face it if I am going to
spend the rest of my life with someone I better be specific. You might mess
around and get a straight-up nut case!
I don’t think you want that. Also, the
next time I get married will be my LAST time; I do not plan on going through that
mess again. It is one of the worse things any human being could experience; A
spiritual and emotional death. Let’s not forget it takes many years to heal
from. I asked God, this one is on you and be my match maker “Jesus Take the Wheel!”
I had to find a phone
because I did not have a cell phone at the time. My neighbors were kind enough
to let me use their phone. After calling him at work he answered the phone like
nothing ever happened. “I need to get into
the house and get the rest of my stuff and if you don’t get here in time I am
going to the police station”, I said to him. My mother whom was a trooper
through this whole ordeal took me straight to the police station. I filed a
domestic report. Now at this point I
LOST it! The rage was starting to settle in and all I could do was see red.
My hands began to shake, my face became hot and my stomach was churning a mile
a minute. The pressure in my head was so severe I couldn’t see straight but I
managed to breathe through it.
By nature I am a calm
person and it takes ALOT for me to
get over the top angry. Through the years I have discovered that I hold my anger,
frustration, etc inside. They call this internalizing, which is not always
good. I am not really sure why I do this but I am still trying to get the hang
of being more expressive when those feelings show up. Some that know me very
well would say I have no problem with being expressive. However, I have been
known to be a little over the top or animated at times. LOL!!! But you get the point.
We arrived at the
police station and God was with me because there was a cop that immediately
greeted me at the door. To this
day I still don’t think that officer ever existed. I began to explain ALL the events that lead up to me being at the
station. My request was simple I needed to be escorted to my home so that I
could retrieve the remainder of my things. Most cops have been
known to be a little edgy at times. But this man had the patience of Job. I do
believe he was an angel. You might not believe it but it is true. He took the
time to listen to every detail. Later on I tried to go back to “Thank” this
officer for being so kind to me but no one knew or even heard of him. Strange
hun! Sounds like an Angel to me.
Once we arrived back to
my home, my ex-husband arrived with a grin on his face and had the nerve to ask
me “How are you doing?” "ARE YOU SERIOUS? Oh I am doing fabulous it’s a great day to have the cops here to let me
in my house because you changed the locks. Thanks so much for asking. (I say
sarcastically).” I know that I have been born again but every curse word
known to man was wandering through my head…
Let’s be real ladies
and gentleman ANGER/RAGE is real feelings that exist. And it can be dangerous
if it has had time to build up inside. This is when internalizing can be hazardous.
But we do not allow ourselves to be honest in knowing that these things do occur.
Even when it seems like God is so far away we still have to DEAL with those
emotions/feelings daily.
The officer proceeded
and he asked my ex-husband to let me in the house. When I entered I Quickly picked
up the smell of another woman. I went through that house like a “Raging Bull” and I can remember the
officer telling me to “Please TRY to STAY
calm miss!” When I arrived in our bedroom my instincts were right another
woman had set up camp and her possessions lay where my things used to lie.
The
Story Continues…..
“Discover
why you’re important, and then refuse to settle for anyone who doesn’t
completely agree.”
— Fisher
Amelie
Till Next Time!
Trica B!
Follow me!
