TricaB™ : Who are you with?!?!

At, 21 I chose to get married and move away from the only life I have ever known. This age I was extremely daring and fearless. There was no such thing as “NO”. Others would say it was the dumb stage when you “think” you are an expert on life and know everything. In reality you know NOTHING at all! My entire 20’s I was not so smart. The lights really didn’t go off in my head until I was 30.

I moved to Eau Claire Wisconsin thinking that I was going to be “Happily Ever After” not knowing that there was trouble waiting right around the corner for me. All I can remember is: I knew I wanted to be married but didn’t have a complete understanding about the “Sacredness” of marriage. It was a blessing that I was able to see great examples of marriage around me. However, I was young and foolish and did not want to listen but I paid for it.

When you are that age you have a tainted view of life and can be easily deceived. Now days everyone wants to get “Married” which is great but you want to be “Happily Married” to the right one. Trust me on this one I know what I am talking about. Marriage in my eyes is beautiful and I welcome it again with open arms. But this time, I chose to give God FULL permission to bring the right man to me. So this means, “It is not my job or responsibility to find my mate”. Last time I did that it almost cost me my life. God has a way of letting you know that you are not that smart without him. (In all thy ways acknowledge him and He will direct your path... (Proverbs 3:5)

I believe that Marriage is a beautiful reflection of Gods L O V E for you. God cares so much to design someone just for you. Both man and woman are spiritually joined together. Some people would not agree with what I am going to say but I feel like the connection between man and woman should be so strong that you inhale and exhale at the same time not missing a beat or motion with each other. It is like the both of you share a heartbeat. It goes past your likes or dislikes it is a spiritual connection that joins you which for me is so POWERFUL!! The connection is so strong you can pick up their thoughts without saying a word. And then when man and woman make eye contact they know exactly what is going on in their mind. God takes his time to search the world to find a spiritual match just for you. “The Core connection” is what I call it.

It is no joke being married to someone that is not for you. But I was so determined to make my marriage work that I did not care about the signs. What was I thinking?!?! I was a bullhead. All I wanted to do was prove everyone wrong. God proved me wrong…! Go figure! (But you know what? I am SO glad God proved me wrong because I have a second chance at a “Core Connection”.)

Just because your mate goes to church, carries a “New Bible” and gets “Baptized” does not mean he/she has a True Relationship with GOD and that he/she will treat you right. I had one of those before and it was all a front. At the time everyone else could see it but not me.

The entire time we were dating I actually believed that he was really living for God. (Lord Help me!) As I reflect, he wasn’t thinking about Jesus. It is a “Whole” different story when you get behind closed doors and have to live with that person. The real Demons come out! TRUST ME!!

There was a huge price that I had to pay but the goal is I learned and that is one lesson that I will NEVER have to learn again! It does not pay to be stubborn because it could cost you your life. God had his hand on me and he knew that there was a testimony and a ministry that was going to come out of it. My marriage lasted 2 year and during that time my self -esteem went straight to the dirt. Every day I was sad and depressed and I could not get out of it. Depression and poor self image became my best friends. I stop caring about what I looked like and I didn’t have a desire to do anything. During this time I gained so much weight. I didn’t realize that I was eating myself to an early grave.

Every time I looked in the mirror I did not know who that girl was. My reflection was painful and disturbing. When you are spiritually connected with sin it shows. Now that I look back, was it really worth it to be bullhead/stubborn?

So I want to offer some advice to you if you are wrapped-up in a relationship where you know WAY down in your gut/core that he/she is not for you RUUNNNNNN!!!!! The PAIN and HELL is not worth it!! God is so thoughtful where he will give you signs and speak through people that have been through it to help warn you. PLEASE listen to those people especially if they have great integrity. There is a difference when someone is just being mean, nosy and just wants to see you miserable. My intentions are to motivate and pass positive energy into the world. My prayer is that my experience will help prevent you from making a horrible decision.

It took me years to heal from that experience. The healing process was AGONY for me. Now, that I have recovered from that I have moved on. I can proudly say that PERMANENT HAPPINESS is here to stay! When you get a taste of real happiness there is something on the inside that will not allow you to go back. I told depression and poor self image that they where no longer invited for the ride. (GET GONE!!!) I know this might sound a little cheesy but every morning when I wake my spirit is so darn excited to be alive and happy. Sometimes I feel like I want to break out into a Disney song. LOL! The peace I have is immeasurable!

Now on a side note: Someone told me (a church person) that there is no way you can be that Happy all the time. Let me just say YES IT IS POSSIBLE to be HAPPY all the time. Don’t let anyone tell you that REAL happiness does not exist that is foolishness! I am a living example that you can be Happy! Just because they chose to be sad and miserable does not mean you have to take ownership of that. (The JOY of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10)

The key to my happiness is GOD…. (betta ask somebody!) This kind of stuff makes me angry in the spirit because that is pure NONSENSE!! How many times do we allow Satan to talk us out of God’s blessings and promises for our lives! Read the bible it tells you how to get and keep your happiness.

After the divorce the healing process involved counseling, forgiveness, church, and a lot of prayer. I chose to stay in Eau Claire Wisconsin to recover for a minute. And the only reason why I stayed is because my ex-husband made the mistake of telling that I could not make it without him and I could not survive on my own. Well I and God proved him wrong. (I and God make a pretty good team!) God came in so fast and rescued me. There is a scripture that says: (Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies… (Pslam 23:5)

The story continues….

Tune in next time for the rest!!!