TricaB™ : Those FIVE Seconds!!

Before I continue, I must express that this is just my story and it is not to degrade or belittle my ex-husband in any shape form or fashion. The purpose is not to point the blame toward one person. During the course of my marriage I knew that I had part to blame. I never claim to be a perfect little wife because I was not. But the goal is to point out a decision that was not in God. Did I learn from this? You bet your socks I did!

Please don’t think that I am degrading him or using this platform to male bash because I do not believe in that. (My parents raised me better than that!)

I haven’t spoken to my ex-husband in years and honestly, I don’t care to BUT I will not use this opportunity to spread negative energy. These stories are based on true facts through “Trica’s Eyes” and will be use to edify mankind. These experiences are about me and how I chose to let God rescue me!

*Now back to the story!*

May 2003 we came back to Chicago to visit family and friends and during this time I and my husband were not on good terms. The last night of our visit here in Chicago we were arguing, (as a matter of fact we argued the entire time) and at the time I was not feeling well. During our stay we decided to stay with our families separately. He decided that it was best for me to keep the car with me at my parent’s home. Before I went to bed he called me in rage about something (don’t remember what it was) trying to continue an unnecessary argument. Due to me not feeling well I had no strength to proceed with arguing so I calmly told him I would see him in the morning and I ended the conversation.

The plan was to leave at 4 am in order for him to go back to work. The next morning my mother and I prepared to load my vehicle and to my discovery the car was gone. At first I thought the car was stolen but I instantly heard a voice inside “He took the car and he is gone”. You might find this hard to believe but I was SO calm. I knew it was the peace of God that had come over me. After about five or ten minutes my spirit and my brain finally caught up with each other and I knew he LEFT ME.

Now my parents on the other hand were not so calm!! They were Livid after I told them that he is GONE and he was not coming back. My mother asked me how I did know that for sure (my spirit kept telling me) because we were going to call the police... After several attempts of trying to reach him on his cell phone reality started to become clear. I remember coming back into the house and I sat on the couch and God showed me exactly what happened. During the night he had his mother and sister to drive him to my parent’s home and retrieve the car. The night before he already knew that he was going to leave me because I was not responding to what/how he wanted. This let me know that he had premeditated the entire event.

The hurt started to slowly reach my heart but I could not cry. The only thing I could do was accept that this was the end of my marriage. So I decided to call his mother and his sister answered the phone. I asked: “Where is my husband?” She replies: “He is not here and I am not sure where he is!” I already knew she was lying. My heart was telling me the truth but I did not want to believe it. I still wanted to hang on to some HOPE. The lies continued, and the pain was getting stronger and stronger but still NO tears. I had become numb.

After about 10 times of trying to call him he finally answered the phone. He answered the phone like it was another beautiful day in the neighborhood! WHAT!!!!! I knew then he had lost his mind… “Did you forget something?” I asked. He replies: “It was something that I had to do and it had to be done”. Those words went through me like venom. It felt like time had stopped and all I could do was hear my heart racing. I just stood there staring out the window. Not realizing that God was creating a way of escape for me.

Do you want me to send you a bus ticket? He says. I replied: “Are you serious?” I paused for five seconds. Those five seconds changed my life because I actually took the time to think. “Do I want to go back to Wisconsin? Do I still want to continue in this marriage? Is it really worth it? And the final question, Do I want to remain his wife? Those were the longest five seconds of my life.

My emotions started to take over. I became afraid, disappointed and humiliated.

Afraid: what was I going to do? How was I going to survive? Disappointed: how was I going to face my family? What was I going to tell them? Humiliated: he had the nerve to leave me at my parent’s house. MY PARENTS HOUSE for crying out loud!

Decisions are made every day and therefore it is our duty to make the right decision. Horrible decisions can affect not only just us but an entire generation. Therefore we must be honest with ourselves and face the facts. I am not going to lie; it was hard because I had become immune to this relationship. It didn’t matter that the relationship was toxic; I just did not want to be a failure in my marriage. Yes I loved him and wanted to be with him but I knew WAY DEEP down inside that there was someone better for me. I chose to ignore it.

The Truth Hurts but can Heal only if we allow it!

We often sabotage are own happiness because of influence. We allow people around us (noise) to inject our minds and spirits with information that holds no value.

My question to you; Why can’t we just be honest and face the facts? Especially in relationships. Our hearts never lie, Our spirits know the truth but we often put both of them on mute. As for me, I was so caught up in emotion and the whole fantasy of what I THOUGHT marriage/relationships was about. In my opinion, the person you date/marry is a reflection of who you are!

If he/she is negative or abusive in any way then there is something on the inside of you that is attracting negative and abusive relationships. You attract what you are. I don’t claim to be a genius or anything I’ve just learned to be honest with myself. This process has taken years to perfect. It is not a process that happens over night. But I have just accepted that the reality of certain situations can save a lot of time and pain.

A close friend of mind told me that “Rejection is Gods protection”. Be honest with your reflection! It is easier said than done but it can be mastered.

My wonderful mother took off her job and drove me back to Wisconsin. When I arrived at my home the locks had been changed and all of my possessions were put outside….

The story continues!